• What happens when those lines are crossed?

• I get angry.

• Why?

• Because there are red lines that... I already explained. Well, never mind, let’s watch a movie.

• Wait. I want to understand exactly what you felt. And also help you understand. Try to remember what emotion was attached to the anger. After all, anger usually doesn’t stand alone. It’s a survival response that protects us from harm. If someone crosses into our personal space, we feel the need to defend ourselves. Were you hurt?

• No, I wasn’t hurt. I know she doesn’t really think I’m an idiot.

• So what then?

• Maybe I felt shame. I was ashamed of how she was behaving. I was ashamed that the neighbors could hear and think that we’re a couple of fools speaking in a low manner. I don’t want them to think those things about us.

• Do you think you're a couple of fools speaking in a low manner?

• No. It only happened once. I’m sure it just slipped out.

• Does she know you’re angry?

• Yeah, we haven’t spoken since.

• Does she know why you're angry?

• Haha. Are you joking? Until now, I didn’t even know why I was angry. I didn’t know it was because of shame.

• How do you think she interpreted your anger? And the fact that you haven’t spoken to her for a whole day?

• I don’t know. Maybe she thinks I’m disappointed in her. Maybe she thinks I’m really hurt.

• Do you want her to know exactly how you felt?

• Yes. I’ll tell her. So she knows. I would like to know why she’s angry, what she meant when she called me an idiot. I realize I’m just floating in the air, interpreting what her anger means: maybe she’s disappointed in me? Maybe she’s offended? There are so many emotions. Who knows...

• Good idea.

• Great, thanks buddy, you helped me understand myself a little better.

Reflections on Emotions and Conversations:

We usually don’t talk like this with our friends. Typically, the description of an emotion ends after the statement "I’m angry," and then the questions begin, often driven by curiosity: What exactly happened? What did she say? How did you respond? And so on. Oh, and then, of course, comes the advice: what I would do, what I did in such a situation, what you should do, etc.

Why? Why give advice before we understand how the person feels, and what exactly they’re going through? Usually, at this stage, the person themselves hasn’t even analyzed what they’re truly feeling.

We almost never talk about our emotions with our friends. Not even with imaginary ones. There are people who won’t even admit that sometimes they feel emotions like jealousy or hurt, which are seen as “inferior” on the emotional hierarchy. Emotions aren’t talked about. They just are. It seems that talking about emotions is almost taboo. I feel what I feel. That’s it.

Every emotion has a reason. Let’s ask ourselves why we feel certain things the way we do. If we go back to the conversation between the two friends, each one could respond emotionally to the curse in a different way: some might feel insulted, some hurt, some ashamed, some might feel all those emotions together, or none of them, but something else. What are we in all of this?

Emotions are our good friends. They accompany us and will continue to accompany us throughout our lives. We are allowed to feel everything, including jealousy, hurt, and shame. The most important thing is that we stay connected to our emotions and understand them. In short, we should be emotionally intelligent and sensitive.

Mika.