• Yes, but he never listens to me...

• Hold on a moment, I asked if you want to have the dialogue I described?

• Yes

• Great. But what will this dialogue look like when you have it?

• We’ll look at each other, talk about our feelings, he’ll see me, I’ll see him.

• Why do you want to have this kind of conversation with Eitan?

• Because I’m fed up with the arguments, the lack of listening, and the kids see us fighting over silly things.

• Is Eitan important to you?

• Yes

• Do you want him to be a true partner and friend?

• Yes

• What needs to happen for this dialogue to happen between you?

• We need to talk and listen.

• Do you trust the environment you’re in right now to start having a dialogue with Eitan?

• No

• What needs to change so that your answer would be “yes”?

• I don’t know you, you’re a stranger to me, I don’t know anything about you. It feels uncomfortable.

• What would you like to know about me besides what you asked me on the phone before our meeting?

• What’s your method? Where is all of this heading?

• My approach is you, Edna and Eitan. I want to see you, know what you’ve been through as individuals, as a couple, as a family. What is the interaction between you, how do you feel and have felt throughout your relationship. What motivates you, what are your fears and hopes. What are your needs, your desires, your fantasies.

• How will this knowledge help you?

• Knowledge is a beginning. I ask questions that make people think. People answer themselves and me. Their answers teach them about themselves and their relationship. They become more aware of their behaviors, desires, and emotions. They become emotionally capable. When there’s awareness, people can do something with it, take action with my guidance. I’ll be there to keep you on track, give you tools, support progress, search for more directions, fulfill hopes. From now on, even though you’ll meet with me once a week, the process is with you all the time, 24/7. Throughout the week, you’ll think about the things we discussed in the meeting, process them, look at your partner and your relationship with fresh eyes, practice tools that you get as homework. You’ll also suggest tools that work best for you because you know yourselves best. Did my answer help you?

• Yes, it sounds nice.

• Do you have any more questions?

• Yes. Why do you do this?

• What?

• Why did you choose this? Is it good money? Sorry for asking...

• You can ask me. If I don’t want to answer, I’ll say I can’t answer. I meet with couples because I care about people and society. I am very sensitive to interpersonal relationships, and especially to couples relationships, because they have a wide impact on many areas of life, especially on children. If a child grows up in a home with a healthy and strong relationship, he learns good things about the world and about interpersonal connections. He learns what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. He gets his first and most significant lessons for life. These lessons shape his perception of interpersonal relationships. This has a huge effect on what kind of person he will grow up to be. A society made up of strong individuals is a strong society. Edna, when a child grows up in a home with real sharing, good communication, respect, love, and friendship, what kind of person do you think he will grow up to be?

• A strong person, a good partner, with high self-esteem.

• How will our society look if there are more people like that?

• I wish! But... after all, this is Israel. Everyone here is trying to screw each other over, not be a sucker.

• Is that what you feel is happening in your relationship with Eitan? That you want to win and not be a sucker?

• Yes...

• How does that feel?

• When I win an argument and prove that I’m right, it feels good in the short term.

• And what about the long term? Do you really want to win against him?

• There are no winners, we both lose, we need to learn how to talk to each other properly before we get to a point where, God forbid, we’ll hate each other. We also need to learn to manage our anger, not hurt each other all the time, not hold grudges. There’s work to do...

• I’m glad that’s what you want. Is there anything else you’d like to ask me?

• No

• Feel free to ask questions at any time. Do you trust your environment right now to have a dialogue with Eitan?

• Yes

• Eitan, would you like to start having a dialogue with Edna now?

• Yes, I’ve been waiting for this for years.

• Great, before we begin, I ask that you sit face to face with each other, and look into each other’s eyes for three minutes. In silence, without breaking eye contact, without speaking. Try to “see” each other. Try to understand what the other feels and thinks, what desires they have now, this week, this year. Who they are and what their hopes are. You may hold hands at some point if you wish.

I will stand quietly on the side.

Mika.